Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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