just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
