The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.