Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
don't judge my taste in strippers