You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
People in love make me want to vomit
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list