Will you blow on my dice?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the condom got lost in my hair
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
