Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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