I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
