Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
