I am puke
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
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i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
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Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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