We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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