The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
