Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
