hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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