i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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