she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
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Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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