Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
