my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
