I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
