he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
These tits shall not be calmed
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
