Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
