i was born a porn star she said
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
