if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he wants to bone in the snuggie
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
