Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
