Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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