Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
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Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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