____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
