Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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