I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
