My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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