never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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