So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
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the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
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your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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