With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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