I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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