Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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