My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
