I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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