yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
