The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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