you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
