i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
