peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
