I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
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the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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