At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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