Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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