Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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