You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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