Cold hands, warm shart.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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