No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
