Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
