So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
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