she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize