dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
