I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
