I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
