i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He did a backflip because drugs
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
