I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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