he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
