I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
