Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
