Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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