Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
